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I've been coaching for quite a few years now, and the biggest thing I've learnt - both for me and for my clients - is that inner confidence is one of the major the keys to success.
There are all kinds of strategies, ways of thinking, patterns of behaviour and practical tips for improving your life and feeling better about yourself, but they're all redundant if the foundation isn't there. That foundation is the real you, the heart and soul of who you really are deep down. The trick is to find that true essence of yourself and to bring it out as a reflection of the decisions that you make and the actions that you take – here are two keys to help you discover who you really are and boost your inner confidence.
1. Get To Know Your Values
Personal values are a big passion of mine and I often get carried away with myself when I talk about them. I make no apology for that though – they’re some of the most important things you can know about yourself, and are vital in building genuine inner confidence. Your values sit right at the core of who you really are; and they’re the building blocks, the foundations and cornerstones for you. A value is something in yourself, in others or in the world that’s most important to you, and could include things like beliefs, progress, family, fun, nature, achievement or freedom.
Why is it that some people and situations leave you feeling angry, frustrated, demotivated or deflated? It’s because one or more of your values is being denied, suppressed or repressed – and we experience that as a negative experience because it’s denying a fundamental piece of who you are. You know those times when you’ve felt really alive, amazing, buzzing or in the zone? Those are the times when you're living in a way that purposely aligns with your personal values.
Your values are all yours, and no matter what happens, no one can ever take them away. You can have absolute confidence in them because they’re with you all the time just waiting for you to notice them and use them. When you get to know your values, you can start to make choices and align your life around them. It’s so simple and it feels amazing because all that really means is that you’re allowing who you really are to live in harmony with the world around you.
2. Exercise the Muscle
Confidence is a muscle, and like any muscle you need to exercise it so that it doesn’t become weak and waste away. The problem is that unlike your biceps or glutes, which tend to stay in the same place, your confidence muscle can be harder to find. How do you develop your biceps or firm up your glutes? By doing exercises that are designed to work that muscle over a period of time, until you see the results you were looking for.
It’s just the same with confidence. Let’s say that you’re the kind of person that doesn’t take many risks, the kind of person who goes through each day doing what needs to be done and doing it well, but not really stretching yourself. You might talk yourself out of doing something because it’s too scary or because you think to yourself ‘I’m not good enough,’ ‘that’s not who I am’ or ‘I don’t really want it anyway.’ That kind of person lives within what they know and what keeps them safe and comfortable. The fewer risks they take, the less confident they need to be, and so the less confident they become.
To work your confidence muscle you need to be prepared to take calculated and intentional risks – big or small. You need to be willing to stretch yourself in an unfamiliar direction, to try something new, or to try something in a slightly different way. You need to open yourself up to the possibilities around you and stretch your boundaries, so that you can expand what you know, increase what you do and improve who you are. Developing your confidence muscle will allow you to take more risks, accept more opportunities and be more open to future possibilities – the question is, what are you going to do to exercise it?
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